Live At Five

When I was younger, I had an overly simplistic view of the of the world. People were either bad or good. Their actions? Right or wrong. But, as you go through life, and manage to amass any bit of personal growth, you realize things are usually a whole lot more complicated.

And, sometimes, not all that easy to resolve.

Take last Sunday night.

I didn't know what I had come home to, well, because I couldn't see beyond my nose. Literally. The sun was at a perfect angle on the horizon, making it impossible for me to see into the glare and down the block.  I now realize the universe had graciously protected me once again.

The only thing I knew for sure was in the time it took me to pull up to the curb, cross the street, open the gate and walk back to my car, my neighbor had peeled rubber out of her driveway and was speeding down the street.

Later, the police showed up next door, with the animal control unit. But the details? Still a mystery until Tuesday night, when a tv news crew arrived on my street, to broadcast, live at five, what went down next door.

Parental warning. Pretty disturbing stuff:

Until that point, my opinion of the accused was straight forward. He's a hard working, friendly guy, who came out early for the neighborhood clean-up last spring, even after working the night shift. He's the type of guy who stops his car to make sure the drunk dude passed out on the sidewalk is okay. He loves astronomy, sharing glimpses of the night sky from his sidewalk telescope, with anyone who wanted a look, until you were excited too.

That guy, the one I've known for nearly four years, wouldn't have killed a puppy.

But on Sunday, someone who I clearly never met, was accused of doing just that.

And I'm left, very unsettled, trying, in vain, to make sense of it all.

Mentoring with Authenticity

'You may feel agreeing is part of your job, yet won't always do so. That's authenticity.'

That was my horoscope on Tuesday. The day after I got officially bounced from the mentoring program I recently volunteered for. (In all actuality, I fired them first.) My crime? The usual. Questioning the system. Generally, people don't like that very much.

After filling out an application, gathering references (thanks to all who took the time to write them), scheduling an in-house interview, spending a beautiful July Saturday inside at a required training, and moving up the line of command at the Providence Police Department to get my background check, I was finally matched. On paper, it seemed like a can't miss. But face to face, in a one hour meeting, the chemistry wasn't right. Nobody's fault. It's just a fact of life.

The problem? The agency was not willing, or able, to deal with such a rare occurrence.

I could have just walked. Left without a trace. But that's not my style. So I tried to explain the situation, even offering to be rematched. Their response? It seemed to come straight from the policy manual on how to deal with awkward first meetings. Only the issue had nothing to do with awkward first meetings. It had to do with personalities. With individuality. With the same things that affect all relationships, not just those of mentors and mentees.

To me, this alone seemed like an important life lesson. Not everyone can, will or should get along. The truth of the matter is, this girl deserved better. Someone who was committed to her cause. Who could relate to her as a person. Not just a warm body going through the motions.

I decided to officially opt out when my commitment was questioned, because plain and simple, that's just insulting. And when I was told that they 'couldn't possibly risk hurting another youth with me' that just sealed the deal. And made me laugh. A lot.

Truth of the matter is, I've done this a time or two before. My track record goes back to 2006, when I was brilliantly paired, at another program, with a little girl, who has since grown into a beautiful, smart young woman.

How do I know? Well, she happened to call me on the EXACT SAME day the new program was busy assessing my mentoring abilities and personal character. No accidents. And after a year and a half of living apart, we have already picked up where we left off. Independent of any program.

Commitment and dedication? Please.

So, as the director firing me explained that 'it wasn't personal' and she 'hoped there would be someplace else better suited to my needs', me and my girl, the one I already had a six year relationship with and counting, had already worked that out.

Best Laid Plans

 

I looked down at my silver, glittery wristband.

The one that we got by waking up at 4:15 am, then standing in line for four hours at the grand opening of the Microsoft store in Boston, feeling like a Democrat who'd crashed the Republican convention. (I'm an Apple girl, a'ight?) The one, as the first 100 peeps in line, not only got us four free seats, to the Lenny Kravitz show, but entrance into his post-concert meet and greet.

The one that convinced my girlfriend Kristine to fly to Providence from New Orleans with a hurricane on the horizon. The one that had our pal Rhodes, researching his options on the best way to take a much needed break from the 24/7 care of his mom suffering from full blown dementia, to meet us out for some music and fun.

I didn't know quite how it would all work out yet.

But I knew it would.

The troops? Not quite mobilized. Kristine? In Boston. In line. She took the train from Providence earlier in the morning, leaving absolutely nothing to chance. Smart girl. Rhodes? His job was, apparently, making sure Kristine got into the pavilion. His wristband was safely tucked in my purse and currently accompanying Andre and I on a slow, painful tour of Route 1 North in Walpole, MA.

Tire shopping. Of course. Here's what I learned along the way:

My husband, as mature and financially secure as he may get, will always view a slow leak the same way he did when he was twenty and broke. Don't investigate. Just watch and wait.


Convenience stores do sell fix-a-flat in Massachusetts, even with tighter environmental standards, but those free air pumps are hard to come by.


When Town Faire Tire in Walpole, MA (shout out to the service manager at 75 Providence Highway) says they're closing at 4pm on a Saturday, they mean it. Even if you've got a whole half hour to spare. They will, however, provide enough air, to not only get you out of the parking lot, but five miles down the street to their competition. And if the store they recommended closed at noon, well, that's just on you.


Starbucks has clean bathrooms in a pinch.


AAA apparently does contract non-uniformed drivers, in unmarked pick-up trucks, for simple tire changes. Or, maybe, we were just had by a hired hit man trying to kill us by putting our donut on the front, instead of rotating it to the back, where control, and stopping, may have not been an issue.


Our car came off the lot with an outstanding set of performance tires. That are not sold standard. Anywhere. Not even at the place that ignored Andre for a full five minutes before he lost it on the clerk. Sorry, fella. Just an acknowledgement would have got you a whole different experience.
 
Good, honest, kind people, and mechanical angels, work at the PepBoys in Walpole. And if there's no traffic, you can make it from here to the Bank of America Pavilion in half an hour.


Rhodes would be able to charm a wristband off Lenny Kravitz himself. In fact, he may have. See.

Two friends could save two front row center tickets for two hours. Two friends like these will.


And maybe even get you on the big screen. See.


Lenny Kravitz puts on a hell of a show. And takes a hell of a picture. See.



Everything might not always go exactly as planned, but it always works out.

Somehow.

What ARE you, RICH?

For some bizarro reason, people often times think I'm rolling in the dough.

(I'm not. See last week's post.)

I suppose I should take it as a compliment. Because truthfully, it just really annoys me on too many levels to count. The short answer is what I lack in cash, I make up with my outstanding bargain hunting abilities, also known as the exact same research skills I've honed as a writer. I use them to buy quality things that, apparently, are making me appear rich.

Case in point: This lambskin leather travel bag. Classic black. I will have it forever. If you see me at the airport in another thirty years, I will literally be carrying this baby-- provided, of course, I can still sling twenty pounds over my shoulder.

How much would you pay for it? Hint: It retailed originally at Land's End for $299.

 

The bag started off on their mark-down site at $179. I snatched it up once it got slashed an additional 50 percent to $89. The day that I purchased it, there was a 30 percent off coupon, which also included free shipping. So my $299 bag went into my shopping cart at $60.

Impressive. I guess. But I wasn't quite done.

We charge just about everything, paying the bills in full every month, in order to rack up those retail points, without paying any interest. As a result, I had a $50 Land's End gift certificate free and clear. And once I applied that sucker, my $299 bag cost me a whopping, drum roll please, $10.

So no, I'm not rich.

Just smart.

A Celebration of The During

Before and after.

Meh. So yesterday's news.

The before is no doubt the most complicated of relationships. The before is only a shadow of your best self. It's the you that needs work. And, consequently the you you'd rather forget.

But the before holds its own power. It's what pushed you in the first place to work towards those goals. To become better. The before encouraged you to start the journey towards improvement in the first place. And, most importantly, the before serves as a marker to provide physical evidence of your personal growth. The before is a clear reflection of how far you need to go and just how far you've come.

The after? Bor-ing. The after is 'the end', the controlled, cleaned-up sanitized happy ending. It's the beautiful, perfect, airbrushed image after you've crossed the finish line, then showered, put on the designer duds and opted for a bit of professional help from your hair, make-up and airbrushing team. Sure it may look all pretty and perfect, but it doesn't show how your got there. Or how much you sweat along the way.

I'm interested in the during. That grit your teeth, pull yourself up by the bootstraps period when you're at maximum motivation. The during is about determination. When you're not really sure how, when or if you'll break through to the other side, but there's something inside you that just won't let you quit.

The during is a celebration of ugly. Of the teeth gritting, only-a-Mama-could love, not ready for prime time mug that's only on display when you're busting your hump. When you're focused and trying to silence the haters. The during takes all of your energy. Challenges your drive. Forces you to look at just how bad you want it. And what you'll do to get it done.

The during is not some sort of magical period between the before and after, where you click your heels together and wind up where you want to be, just because you think you deserve it.

The during is the journey. The during is enduring.

Respect the during.