When someone is cooking for you, you should never complain.

Especially when it's your husband. Especially when his skills, on his worst day, far surpass yours. But when Pioneer Pork Chops are on the menu, all bets are off.

It took me a LOOOOONG time to re-introduce the other white meat back to my diet. Not for religious reasons, but because there was a certain counter top broiler of my youth, that, after it got hauled up from the basement, cooked meat until there was absolutely no danger of food poisoning.

That's all I will say on that matter.

Andre's prep is infinitely more loving. A thoughtfully concocted rub. Careful grilling. And, usually a juicy end product that tastes nothing like the pork my younger self remembers.

But last Sunday--in a Eureka moment--he managed to create the rub of all rubs. A way for you to saddle up the wagon and get your fresh pork, clear across the country and straight to Cali.

"Wow, this is salty," I said. Andre has high blood pressure. His dad died of a stroke. We should not be messing with salt.

"I cut the salt in half."

"Um, are you sure you didn't double it?" Fractions and all.

"Nope."

"Did you use regular salt or kosher?" Clearly there has to be some sort of explanation.

"Regular." Clearly there is no explanation. Or maybe you can find one:

Andre's Modified Recipe for Pioneer Porkchops. Do Not Try This At Home.

1/4 c salt
3 Tbsp black pepper
2 Tbsp ground fennel seeds
1 Tbsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground cinnamon
3 Tbsp chili powder
2 Tbsp dried oregano
1 Tbsp sugar

Serve with multiple iced pitchers of water.