Guest Post: Twenty Answers

I asked. You answered. 

Well, one person did. I'm not sure what's up with the rest of you.

Meet my friend Merry from the great land of Oz. (That's Australia. Not Wizard of.) She's got spunk, and a shared love of books, New York City and Lenny Kravitz. What else could you possibly need in a friendship spawned on Twitter?

From her outstandingly beautiful balcony-garden in Perth, she's brought her international perspective. Interesting stuff, especially the fact that apparently Alex and Ani haven't reached global domination. 

Yet.

Read on...

1. Why do airline rates change ever 3.4 seconds?  A: Same reason banks get away with so much.
2. Why is the Bachelor still on the air?  A:  Never watched it <pride>. 
3. And related: Why are the Bachelors ALWAYS white?  A: Well, we know one who isn't.
4. Why is there so much salt added to ALL processed foods?  A:  Because it would taste like crap otherwise.
5. What's the appeal of cats? Or CATS for that matter?  A: Uh-oh! Agree to disgree? I love cats :-). Never seen CATS.
6. Why do women of a certain age give into the hairstyle fondly known as the 'senior afro'?  A: Well, I haven't! The worth of a person shouldn't be measured by their age. It's society's fault.
7. Why is high school pumped as the best of times?  A: I can debunk that ridiculous myth comprehensively right now.
8. Why do the people who need counseling the most, never get it?  A: The world we live in...<sigh>. We're a throw-away society, and not just material things. And no matter what anyone says these days, stigmas still stick.
9. Why are so many Americans hating on immigrants, while eating pizza?  A: Ironic, since many Americans either are immigrants or have immigrant roots. Through ignorance, they feel threatened by something, therefore irrationally hate it (a la KKK)?
10. Why are we acting like the social structure of families has no impact on education?  A: No experience with "family", but strong role models are critical and they've been dwindling alarmingly over the last 30 years.
11. Where do babies come from? (Just checking if you're still with me.)  A:  Still here :-)
12. Why do talented artists like, say Lenny Kravitz and Jose James, have to go to Europe to sell out shows?  A: So did Jimi Hendrix. Fed too much superficial crap, which has totally negated appreciation of the finer things in life?
13. What is the fascination with Alex and Ani bangles?  A: Had to look that one up. They look very...heavy. I prefer my silver chains.
14. How does gay marriage negatively impact you? No. Really.  A: It doesn't. Gay marriage has no more impact, negative or otherwise, on anyone else than conventional marriage. 'Tis the same.
15. Why are people that are the most religious often the least holy?  A: It's rare for human beings not to be hypocritical, but misguided beliefs make for a dangerous playground.
16. Why did the Patriots let Wes Welker go?  A: Sports. Blech! <sorry>.
17. Why do Americans NEVER DRESS UP?  A: Well, according to all the media, they do...oh, of course, they're "celebrities". There are actually regular folks living in the U.S. as well, then? Maybe due to the effort required to survive, they just don't have the strength or inclination to compete.
18. Where does the weight go when you lose it?  A: Burn, baby, burn.
19. Why do some people assume your life experience is exactly like theirs?  A: Self-interest is a funny thing. Being of an "older" generation, it saddens me just how much young people expect and take for granted now. I don't know whether to be insanely envious, pity their lack of individuality and character or, horror, be happy for them.
20. What are you wondering about? Go on. Comment below.  A: What made you decide on these particular questions? Are there more?

The final answer:  Well, sometimes, my dear mate, a crazy week will sneak up on a girl. And rather than ruin a perfectly good streak of weeks of consecutive posts--holla 89 weeks and counting--desperate, I mean, creative measures are taken. This post? Really the equivalent doing a 25 page research paper the day before it is due. 

And yes, oh, yes, there are always more questions.

And usually more questions than answers.

Thank you for playing! 

Guest Post: CharityBuzz Celebrity Auctions. Dream Makers or Just Another Business Transaction?

Welcome back to my Duch friend Ester. She's returned, using her power of the pen, to talk about what happens when your life-long dream to meet Lenny Kravitz becomes a business transaction (and a bad one at that). Take it away Birthday Girl...

I Need A Love That Takes Me Higher. So High I'm Never Coming Down

by Ester Bos

My friend from Twitter won an online auction. The prize? Meet Lenny Kravitz backstage in Italy. She invited me to come along and asked for nothing in return. The auction was held by CharityBuzz. Don't be fooled by their well-chosen name. Even though they raise money for charities, Charitybuzz is not a charity. It is a company that makes money by holding online auctions for meeting your favorite celebrity. Their motto: "Do good. Live well".

My friend paid almost 3,000 dollars because she wanted to meet Lenny Kravitz. Part of her money went to Charitybuzz, and since they claim to raise money for charity, the other part of her money went to the Robert F. Kennedy Foundation for Justice and Human Rights. The founder and director of that foundation is Kerry Kennedy. She's also on the advisory board of Charitybuzz. Now you tell me, is there a conflict of interest?

Lenny Kravitz. The creator of the soundtrack of my soul. It was my lifelong dream to meet him. And just a business transaction to Charitybuzz. As long as we did get to meet him and were able to see part of his concert, everything went well according to them.

I don't think Lenny Kravitz knew how much money my friend had paid to see him. Of course no one can be bought. But maybe people shouldn't be put up for auction either. I know now that he just did what he always does: shake hands, photo, goodbye. I think Charitybuzz should have made that clear before people started bidding sky high and traveling half the world.

I know lots of people are thrilled to have their picture taken with Lenny Kravitz. But we all have our own truth. My truth is that I hold him so high that I don't want to take anything from him. So I was sad. And not because I had so little time with him. I felt sad because his meet and greets are planned in such a way I felt I couldn't even treat him as the human being that is. All shutdown. Yet, he seems so open in his music.

I do think I had a split second connection with Lenny. But this only happened because I broke the rules of his meet and greet. I imagine he has his reasons to keep people at a distance. What a difficult life that must be. Having to deal with such hollow interactions. I wonder why he makes the effort to meet his fans if this is the only way to do it. It would make me feel so lonely. I pray he has a different perspective and just feels loved. For he is.

When I wrote my blog on the meet and greet, people took note.

Lenny's mind blowing multi-talented Art Director unfollowed me on twitter. He has been such an inspiration to pursue my dreams. I miss the little chats we sometimes had. I miss him.

And Charitybuzz claims we won't get the photo that was taken at the meet and greet. They say Lenny's management decided not to release it because of the "negative blog" I wrote. I have no need for that photo. I don't care about photo's or trophies. I care about people. I feel devastated I was not able to make that clear.

Does Lenny Kravitz know about this, does he approve? This man, who struck lightning through my soul when he wrote songs like Believe and Dream.

I don't regret writing that first blogpost. I do regret going to the meet and greet: I wish I had found another way to thank Lenny for his positive impact on me. And it would have been best if I had just let him be.

I feel very sorry that my generous friend won't get her photo because of this. I don't know how to mend it. Charitybuzz hasn't done a thing to help her. Even though my friend had nothing to do with my blogpost, they feel she is treated correctly. Charitybuzz says they never promised her a photo in the first place. Isn't that funny?

Oh well, what was to be expected from a company that sent my friend to another continent for a meet and greet without a ticket or other formal proof? We had so much trouble getting into the venue because of that. Of course she complained about all that went wrong. But up till now my friend has gotten nothing from Charitybuzz but a very thoughtful 'too bad'. And of course they promised to change their small print.

Now what? Do good and live well.

For who ever that feels I need to be corrected: I'm sorry if I offended you. When I was at the meet and greet, I saw hard working people. And I know you did the best you could with the best intentions. You have been doing such a fantastic job in letting Lenny shine. Please don't stop now.

It took me a long time to decide whether I should write this. The last thing I want is that Lenny gets stained. Not even if it was Lenny himself who decided that I need to be rectified. For his message means the world to me. In the end I think I should continue to stand up for that message. So here it goes:

Let Love Rule ❤

Guest Post: Why I’m Reluctant to Write About Not Wanting Children

Like any good girl, I grew up with certain expectations: Get married. Have kids.

This was part of my moral compass. Like brushing your teeth twice a day. Or getting the oil changed in your car every three thousand miles. These were non-negotiables.

So I got married.

But didn't have any kids.

Why? Pretty simple really.

I don't want any.

The decision to remain a party of two did not happen overnight. As my husband Andre and I grew, both individually and as a couple, we began to challenge this concept of one-size-fits-all-living and realized our lives were pretty perfect as is.

For us, nothing was missing. And somehow, having kids just because everyone else was doing it, didn't seem like a very good reason.

At all.

This, as OUR personal choice, doesn't seem like something that should make other people angry or confused. But oh, how it does. Honestly, I believe their ire has less to do with the actual child bearing part, and more with the fact that, not only have we stepped outside of the script of martial obligations, but we've emerged on the other side unaffected.

And pretty darn happy.

Opting not to have children does not make us selfish; it makes us outstandingly in touch with our desires. And quite frankly, I'm tired of feeling that somehow we're doing something wrong. We mentor. We are active in our communities. WE. ARE. MAKING. A. DIFFERENCE. And if you're judging my character or basing my self-worth as a person on whether or not I'm a parent, then that's an incredibly sad reflection.

On you.

Who encouraged me to speak up? None other than guest poster number two, the fabulous Ms. Javacia Harris Bowser. She told me how important it is for women to hear our stories.

So without further adieu, here's hers:

Guest Post

Why I’m Reluctant to Write About Not Wanting Children

By: Javacia Harris Bowser of WriteousBabe.com

The other day a writer pal of mine tweeted about her fear of writing on controversial topics. I quickly jumped in (Writeous Babe to the rescue!) and reminded her that the best of essays are those that take an unpopular stance on an issue. Then she replied that she was mostly reluctant for fear that her opinion would change. I told her that was OK. I don't believe writers should ever pretend to have it all figured out. We don't have all the answers and we should admit that. "Writing is about asking questions," I tweeted. And after she marked my tweet as a favorite I felt special, like I had said something important and sage.

Then I realized I was a hypocrite.

Lately the thing that's been on my mind most is a controversial, unpopular choice of mine that I've been leery to write about.

I don't want children.

In January of 2008 I was diagnosed with a condition that would most likely make pregnancy, delivery, and life after childbirth extremely difficult for me. When people close to me, people aware of this issue, ask me why my husband and I aren't trying to have kids I use this condition as an excuse. But it's just that -- an excuse. I don't want children, and it has nothing to do with my health.

I had a wide variety of responses ready for the moment when someone asks why I'm not trying to get knocked up: We're not quite ready. We need to put away more money in savings. We want to buy a house first. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.

A few months ago -- ironically on Mother's Day -- I made the decision to drop the excuses. And when random lady at the supermarket asked why my husband and I don't have kids, I boldly replied, "I don't want children." That has been my response to anyone who has asked since then. And for some reason I'm asked this question about once a week, usually by someone who can't even correctly pronounce my name and, therefore, has no business asking me something so personal. But I digress.

I've wanted to write about the hilarious array of reactions I get to my declaration that I don't want children, but in order to do that I would have to write about the fact that I, you know, don't want children. And that I didn't want to do.

Sure, I've written about this matter in a lighthearted manner in the past like when I wrote a column for the weekly I used to work for about remaining childless for reasons such as I didn't want my perky boobs to sag after becoming lactation stations. And like this piece I wrote for The Hairpin.

But I've never dealt with this topic seriously in my writing. Why? For the same reason my friend wouldn't tackle her tough topics -- I'm afraid I'll change my mind. At this point in my life I'm pretty sure I will not. When I was in my 20s everyone said as soon as I turned 30 I'd go baby crazy. But when that monumental birthday rolled around last year I began to feel more certain than ever that I did not want to be a mom. Still, there is a chance I could change my mind.

No, I'm not worried about proving right all the people who said I would, in fact, change my mind. Those are the same people who think I don't want kids because I wasn't hugged enough as a child. (Growing up my brother and I never went to bed without my parents first giving us a hug, a kiss, and an "I love you.") And those are the same people who say ridiculous things like, "Motherhood is a woman's purpose and duty." Ergo, I don't care what they think.

What I’m worried about is changing my mind, having a kid, and then one day Writeous Baby reads this post and starts yelling, “Mommy! You didn’t want me?! You don’t love me!” That is my fear. But I guess it’s too late now. The declaration that I want to remain child-free has been made and posted in cyberspace.

And in case it's 2030 and you're reading this, Writeous Baby, please know that if you're in this world it's because I not only wanted you, but decided I couldn't live without you.

Javacia Harris Bowser is an educator and writer living in Birmingham, Ala. She blogs at WriteousBabe.com. You can [Editor's note:  And should!] follow her on Twitter @writeousbabe.